Monday, April 27, 2009


On a personal note, things have been totally crazy around here for the past couple of weeks. My husband's dad was diagnosed with cancer ten days ago, and he was in the hospital most of last week for tests. He is planning to start chemotherapy later this week, but because of the cancer type and stage, his prognosis is not good. I'm turning in my resignation letter at work on Wednesday because my father-in-law had been handling most of the home schooling for our daughter, and he won't be able to continue.

Right now, I'm home schooling in the morning and working in the afternoons, but taking my daughter (and the work that she can do independently) into the office with me. I've been working full-time for the past thirteen years, so becoming a stay-at-home mom will be quite a change. I feel sort of like I'm in a dream sequence now, where I'm called to respond to an urgent situation, and I become so focused on planning and doing necessary things that everything else gets tuned out.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

What Women Want

I have the impression that many people who find my blog may be interested in learning how to initiate romantic relationships. While I write about relationships more generally, I think much of the advice is also very useful for those working on romantic relationships. However, in our culture, and especially on television and in magazines, there is a lot of emphasis on superficial qualities, and it leads many people to assume that if they don't have these qualities (like good looks, a sleek new car, quick wit), there's at a serious disadvantage in the relationship "market". I don't think that's true at all.

Maybe young people, who are still dependent on their parents for support, have the luxury of focusing on the more superficial qualities. But a woman who has been out on her own for any serious length of time, and has experienced the ups and downs of life, generally has a more well-thought out list of "desirable" qualities. Of course, I am married now and have been for eleven years, but when I was looking for love, these were the top eight qualities on my list:

1. Being open-hearted: being deeply in touch with his own emotions, and able to express love in a generous and unselfish way

2. Being honest and trustworthy

3. Being on my intellectual level: able to have a conversation with me that I find stimulating, and able to rationally challenge me to think about things in different ways

4. Being responsible and reliable, especially with money and household chores

5. Having a good sense of humor, and not taking life too seriously

6. Being even-tempered: not getting too upset or moody over life's little setbacks, able to "go with the flow"

7. Being emotionally supportive: having good listening skills

8. Not being controlling or overly possessive

As it turned out, I married a man who has every one of those qualities. It is entirely possible to get what you want in a partner, if you are willing to really work at finding the right person, and not just sit back thinking you should wait for destiny to send someone your way.

Please help out (whether you're a woman or a man) and comment with your list of most desired qualities in a partner, so that all those readers here who are looking for love can get a realistic idea about what personal qualities are likely to have the greatest appeal.

Friday, April 3, 2009

A Message From My Dream to Yours

We each walk around in our own dream, and so does everyone else we meet. We are continually trying to pull others into our dream, to get them to play the parts we want them to play. Or else we're trying to invade their dreams, to ride in like the hero on our white horses. But the thing is, every dream only has one hero, and that hero is always the dreamer. The truth is, if you want to be in someone else's dream, you've got to learn to play a supporting role. We just can't assert ourselves into the world and expect it to revolve around us. Just stop for a minute and think about who you really are. Only in your own dreams can you be perfect and perfectly wanted. But, and here's the really unspeakably beautiful thing, you have the power to walk into someone else's dream and make them feel perfect and perfectly wanted, if only you choose to do it.

You are driven to get out there and work for what you want. You feel that you need to work like there's no tomorrow and everything depends on you. And you take the reins off your desire and let it fully bloom, until you're all desire and it consumes you. Until the wanting in you radiates like the sun, and fills your universe. But you will realize that ultimately you're not going to get what you want, you're going to get something else. Then the urgent question of your existence becomes: what will you do with that something else?

Today is a good day for confessions, and I have one. I love people. I generally don't tell them I love them, but I do. I'll pass someone as I'm walking, and I'll say "Hi, how are you?", but in my mind, I really think it as "I love you". I think it at people I know and at people I don't even know. Sometimes when I'm too distant to be heard, and I'm just waving at someone from afar, I catch myself mouthing the words. I would like to say it for real, but it just seems socially awkward, and I'm not sure people would believe me anyway.

Do me a favor, will you? This is a personal request from me to you, and it's really important to me. The next time someone says to you, "Hi, how are you?", just pretend it's me saying "I love you." Okay?